Something Worth Saving Read online

  “Do you think Axe has a red room of pain?” Lauren asked, looking at the book in her hand.

  “I wouldn’t doubt it.” The thought was amusing. I could actually see Axe with something like that. “I bet he has a fire pole, too. In his room.”

  “I’d slide down that pole any day.”

  “I bet you would.” I took a closer look at her book and laughed. She was reading Fifty Shades of Grey, right along with every other woman in the world. “Of course you’re reading that.”

  So far I hadn’t read the book. Lauren kept telling me it was good, but I didn’t have time to start a book right now. I had my own life to deal with.

  Speaking of life, I looked at the clock and realized we were supposed to be meeting our mom at Etta’s in a half hour. “We gotta get going, sweaty crotch.”

  ETTA’S WAS a small seafood restaurant that cozied up to Pike Place Market. With red walls and booths that provided a somewhat private atmosphere, the restaurant gave me a feeling as to why my mother had chosen this restaurant . . . probably so she could ask us for money without having to be overheard.

  “Do you miss Mom being around?” Lauren asked as we waited for her in a booth by the window, the waiter bringing our wine.

  “Yeah, I miss her asking me how I was doing and braiding my hair, and Sunday mornings when she made us breakfast and then took us to the movies and to get our nails done.” I laughed sarcastically and took a drink. “Oh, wait, that’s someone else’s childhood.”

  Lauren started laughing. “And what we really had was Sunday mornings with her puking from last night’s booze and here’s ten bucks, go play.”

  There was a good part of me that wanted to go back to my childhood and remember a time when everything was easy, but it’s never been easy for me. That’s someone else’s dream . . . and my nightmare.

  “Do you ever wonder if she knows why we left her?”

  “No. She knows.” I leveled a serious look at her. “Lauren, this is a bad idea.”

  “What?”

  “Having dinner with her. You know she only wants one thing . . . money.”

  “Well, neither of us have that to give, so we’re safe.”

  Being around my mom was like watching an episode of Intervention. If anything, maybe tonight would be entertaining. Highly doubtful, but you never know.

  “Hey, didn’t you go out with your friend Jenny on Sunday night after the party?”

  Lauren groaned, covering her head. “In the hospital. She broke her ankle, so I dropped her off and left. Didn’t want her ruining my night, so I met up with Axe. That’s how my clothes got taken off by a pro.” She looked at me as if I should have remembered that.

  “Wow. Nice friend.”

  “Whatever. She’s the one who broke her ankle.” Lauren downed her second glass of wine.

  “You don’t think this will turn into Mom?” She looked at me, surprised I had said that, but she knew what I was referring to. I was only pointing out the obvious here.

  “Mom drank a bottle a day.” Lauren summoned the waiter by pointing to her glass and snapping her fingers. Classy, that one was. “I have a few drinks a week.”

  “I know, Lauren. I just — I want you to be careful. While I think Mom does this shit to herself, some say it’s hereditary. It’s why I don’t drink that often.”

  Lauren nodded and then went on to break her news to me, the reason why she invited Mom to dinner. “I feel like we should help her get her life back on track.”

  Lauren was the girl who constantly thought she could fix the damaged, which was why she was so constantly caught up with Kyle and now Axe. The problem was that Georgia had spent forty some years being this way. She wasn’t about to change now. For Georgia, the years have passed in unyielding long stages of unremarkable events for her, all leading to this. Nowhere.

  A woman so caught up in herself that she couldn’t even see her own kids didn’t want anything to do with her. At least I didn’t.

  “No, we shouldn’t.” I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation again. It was the same one we had five years ago when Georgia showed up and did this very same thing. “That’s what sponsors are for. She needs AA and a therapist.”

  “You’re so mean.” Lauren smiled, rolling her eyes. “She’s our mother.”

  “No, I’m real.” Never had I thought Georgia would change, and I certainly wasn’t getting my hopes up now. “You’re naïve if you think she’s going to change. She’s been this way since we were kids. At some point she has to wake up.”

  Lauren looked over her shoulder, waiting to see if she was even coming tonight, and then looked back at me. “I’ve got a plan with Mom.”

  “What’s your plan?” If I knew Lauren, and I did, she was about to deliver an off-the-wall plan that would never work, but she surprised me.

  “Not give her money.”

  “Oh, I can’t wait to never give her money. Oh, right, I don’t have any to give.”

  And as it turned out, she never showed, and we didn’t have to have that argument.

  It’s like she knew exactly what we were doing and resented us for it. This was what she did when she came to town. If she called again after standing us up, which I knew she would, she’d come up with some excuse — her car broke down or something like that, and she needed money.

  It was all a setup with her.

  Thursday, November 22, 2012

  SO MY mom didn’t show up. You got that part.

  Worse than that, my sister invited her to Thanksgiving.

  What the fuck? You’re thinking that, aren’t you?

  I was.

  And I voiced that to her.

  “What the fuck were you thinking?”

  Lauren shrugged when she arrived that morning to help me get everything ready. It was the least her naïve ass could do. “Aren’t you the least bit curious what she wants?”

  “No.” Opening the fridge, I took out the turkey and set it on the counter. “I’m not curious because it’s the same thing she always wants.”

  “You don’t know that.” Lauren was constantly defending Georgia, and it was at the point where it was getting on my nerves.

  “I do know it. I just wish you would see it, too.”

  Jace walked into the kitchen, smiled at us, and then opened the fridge and retrieved a beer. “What are you guys talking about?”

  “Lauren invited my mom over for dinner.” I wasn’t about to deal with him, too, so I blurted it out, hoping that would be better than her just showing up.

  He grimaced and looked over at Lauren, who was standing there, glaring at me, and said. “You asshole,” and then walked out of the room.

  Nothing. Not even a look in my direction. He just turned and walked away.

  Having my mom over on Thanksgiving was quite possibly the worst idea ever. Damn Lauren and her big fucking mouth.

  Judie arrived about nine that morning with everything else we needed and immediately sensed the tension in the air.

  “Everything okay?” She looked at Jace.

  He watched me as he brought his beer to his mouth, lowering it after he took a drink. With a subtle shake of his head, he looked over at his mother and then moved toward her. He kissed her cheek, gave us a weak smile, and then walked into the living room, where his dad and brother were already talking about the game.

  I couldn’t take him being upset today of all days. I wanted a nice family dinner. Was that really too much to ask for?

  I had walked into our bedroom to change my shirt, since I’d gotten it wet doing the dishes, when I saw Jace in there doing the same.

  “What are you doing?” He turned when I asked the question — surprised, maybe.

  Closing the door behind me, I stepped further into the room. He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he turned back around to the closet doors and pulled a dark blue “SFD” sweatshirt over his head.

  “Jayden dumped his juice on me.”

  “Listen . . . ” I saw his face when
I began to speak, walking two steps toward him. He knew what I was about to say, was prepared for it, even. “I’m sorry she’s coming. Lauren invited her, and I wasn’t sure what else to do.”

  He wasn’t expecting me to say anything. I could tell. “Funny thing about that. I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit that she’s here. What I care about is that you see why before it’s too late.”

  “Don’t make this more complicated.” I swallowed the tears, hoping my fear would go with them, because I knew he was right. He was always right.

  “Define ‘complicated.’” His brows drew together in concentration, rawness and pain evident on his features.

  “You.” My voice shook. “You’re complicated.”

  His face hardened. “You would say something like that, wouldn’t you?” He swallowed heavily, and I wanted to walk out of the room, show him how it felt, but I didn’t. “I won’t say anything to her . . . but if she says something to you, or our kids, I’m not going to remain quiet like I did the last time.”

  I knew what he was referring to. And that last time would be when we were kids, as Jace didn’t even see my mother when she was here five years ago. The last time he’d seen her was when we were eleven and she was making me get into the car, telling me all along that Jace was no good for me.

  I’ll be honest — I think my mother’s disapproval of Jace was because he was good for me. She didn’t want me better off than she was. She was the type of woman whose motto could have been “misery loves company.”

  Jace looked at me and then, at the door before angling his body out of the room, he paused. “You look . . . ” He breathed in and I tensed, waiting for what could be my breaking point today. “ . . . pretty.”

  It took me a minute. I could hear Judie calling for me, but I wasn’t sure what to think of what Jace had just said.

  After I changed my shirt and dried the tears that had started to fall, I made my way back into the kitchen to see Judie in full cooking mode.

  Not only could I throw down some good food when needed, but Judie was a caterer. The boys loved it because she’d cook these big meals and then take them down to the firehouse for them.

  Naturally, Firehouse 10 was in love with her.

  Moving around me, knowing where everything was located, Judie went to work taking the spinach, butter lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and cauliflower from the bags to clean and chop them.

  Kari, Kasey’s wife, walked into the kitchen with a few bags of food in one arm and Jayden in the other. He used her. All he had to do was give her those pouty blue eyes, and she was carrying him around like a baby kangaroo.

  “I think he’s using me,” she deduced when Jayden leaned forward in her arms to reach the cookies on the counter. She gave him one and then snuggled him closely, kissing cheeks that loved to be kissed. “Oh, how I want one of you.”

  Jayden giggled in her arms, cookie crumbles flying out onto Kari’s cream sweater.

  Kasey and Kari had been trying to have a baby for the last five years, all without success. When I looked at them, happily married for the past seven years, I wondered why people like Jace and I had kids and they couldn’t. Why could some couples have kids and others couldn’t?

  Kari reminded me a lot of Brooke, caring, sweet, and with the looks to go with it. The biggest difference between Kari and Brooke?

  Kari’s crude mouth.

  Nothing that came out of her mouth was appropriate. I fucking loved her for it. There was nothing better than having her at your family functions. While Lauren was always a good time, Kari blurted out whatever. Lauren, more than likely because of Gavin, resisted a little.

  “Hey, Kari, you look great,” Denny said to Kari when he, too, came in the kitchen and handed me a bottle of wine.

  Jace knew Denny didn’t have anywhere to go, so he’d invited him over for dinner. I didn’t mind at all, as he seemed like a nice kid. He brought with him Axe, another guy who really had no place to go today.

  “Eat a dick, asshole,” Kari said to him, pushing him away. “Kasey sees you manhandling me, and he’ll stick a halligan up your skinny white ass.”

  See what I mean?

  She spoke her mind.

  “Is she always so pleasant?” Denny asked, looking scared, wrapping his arm over my shoulders as I dumped a can of olives into a bowl.

  “Yes. She’s wonderful.” I kissed his cheek. I don’t know why I did that. Maybe because he was close, his cheek against mine, so I thought I’d be nice. “Thanks for the wine.”

  He blushed, his eyes going to Jace, who saw everything but never offered a reaction of any kind.

  “Hey, stop with the vulgar language,” I told Kari when the kids came in the kitchen and grabbed handfuls of cookies, and then took off running the other direction.

  “You’re worse,” Kari pointed out.

  You would have never expected it, but she was a kindergarten teacher. Great person, but teaching children?

  I had concerns about that. But I also had this theory that teachers were slightly insane for willingly putting themselves in a classroom with twenty-five children and expecting to keep the peace. It made me feel better to know that they were real people, too.

  “So what?” Moving through the kitchen, I tried to stay busy and not think about my mom arriving soon and what Jace had said to me. “That’s no reason to talk like a butt crack.”

  “Butt crack is considered offensive, too.” Her nose scrunched.

  “You’re missing my point.”

  “What’s your problem today?” Reaching for the olives, she took a handful and shoved entirely too many in her mouth.

  I sighed, feeling like I needed to get some things off my chest. And damn it, Kari was going to listen to me. “I’m sorry. My mom is coming today.” My eyes shifted to the living room, to see Lauren sitting on Axe’s lap. “Jace is pissed off, and my sister’s drunk already.”

  “Your mother?” Her shock matched Jace’s.

  “Yep. She’s a real-life shit show, and this will be a Thanksgiving to remember. I’m sure of it.”

  Kari hadn’t met her yet but knew from my outburst she was bad news.

  “Wow.” She shoved some more olives in her mouth. “No wonder you’re a basket of bullshit.”

  “Stop it and help me.” I tossed bags of vegetables her way.

  After removing the turkey from the oven and getting the table set up with appetizers, I attempted to get the kids dressed, since they were still in their pajamas and Jace had done nothing to get them ready.

  Sometimes I wanted a man who knew what I needed and just did it. Did that exist at all?

  He knew I was busy. Why couldn’t he see they needed to get dressed?

  Why he was sitting there doing nothing? It made me want to punch him in the fucking throat.

  “Why does eating a cracker make your mouth so dry?” he asked, eating a handful of Goldfish crackers Gracie handed him, a peace offering for her returning his phone.

  “Are you even here right now?” Jayden flung himself on the floor again as I tried to get clothes on him, knocking over his cup of juice.

  Jace patted himself down from his chest to his stomach, and a giggle escaped Lauren’s mouth. “I feel like I’m here.”

  “Then stop eating crackers and help me get him ready.” I glared at Lauren, my warning to her. She stuck her tongue out.

  Again, why do men do this? Why couldn’t he help without me having to ask him?

  “I don’t know why you make him get dressed,” Gracie said, rolling her eyes at her younger brother. At least she was dressed. One down.

  As if putting his shoes on was too much, Jayden threw himself on the tile kitchen floor, and I about lost it.

  If it wasn’t the shoe battle, he didn’t want to put pants on. And the days I got him to put shoes and pants on, he wouldn’t, or shall I say refused, to wear a shirt.

  “Why does he do this?” Judie laughed, helping me out when Jace choked on a cracker. Served him right. “Wh
en Jace was little, he rarely wore clothes. I once took him to the store wearing Spiderman underwear and red rubber boots.”

  The tiny reminder of Jace as a little boy sent a little stab to my chest as I remembered a younger version of him and the side I saw now, distant and lost.

  JUST ABOUT the time we were sitting down for dinner, my mother showed up with what appeared to be her boyfriend. From the way he looked, I wouldn’t have put it past her to have just picked him up on a street corner.

  Jace answered the door, and you could see his shoulders tense when he saw that it was her. I wasn’t sure what they said, maybe nothing, and she moved past him without another word toward where I was standing with Lauren as Judie finished up with the sweet potato casserole.

  Shanna, who had shown up five minutes before that, looked like she was going to spit her drink out.

  To maintain a sense of politeness, I smiled at my mother. “Thanks for coming.”

  Georgia licked her lips, her arms crossed over her chest as her weight shifted to one foot, kicking out her bony hip. “Do you have any wine?”

  No “thanks for inviting me” or “how have you been,” or even “sorry I stood you up.” Just straight to the weakness that consumed her life.

  “Yeah, it’s on the table.” I motioned to the dining room. The two of them walked forward, the stench of their cigarettes remaining behind.

  I gagged and turned to Lauren, who was behind me. “I’m going to kill you later tonight.”

  She rolled her eyes and moved past me. “Who’s this?”

  “This is Allen,” Mom said, taking a seat at the table.

  Allen gave a tight nod and sat beside her, but didn’t offer much in the way of a hello to anyone.

  Kasey watched Allen, who grabbed the wine, poured himself a glass, and then took a sweet roll, chowing down. Kasey grinned and then gave Jace a raised-eyebrow look, to which he just shrugged swallowed another mouthful of his beer, taking a seat next to me, his hand lightly grazing my knee as he did so.