Something Worth Saving Page 4

  Ladder 1 on scene now.

  Command to dispatch, send Seattle PD. Suspicious vehicle in the area.

  * * *

  Aubrey

  ALL THROUGH high school I dated one guy. Ridley Harrison. And, like I said before, I found out he wasn’t the pick of the litter. More like prick of the litter. He cheated on me for a few years before I actually found out.

  I remember dates. You know this.

  June 1, 2001. That was the day I caught Ridley in his car with a girl. I didn’t know her name. It wasn’t important. What was important was that I’d let a guy use me. I wasn’t any different from my mom back then. I’d always had a feeling about him, my subconscious telling me that I wasn’t too smart. I was right.

  I met Ridley my sophomore year of high school. November 23, 1998. He was everything I was looking for at the time. An older guy by two years. An ass. Didn’t care what anyone thought, smoked, drank, had a tattoo, badass of sorts. He was rude, disrespectful, took shit from no one, and unfortunately that was the type of guy I was attracted to. And if you ever saw the dirtbags my mom brought home, you’d understand she wasn’t setting a good example.

  Funnily enough, she thought Ridley was perfect.

  I lost my virginity to him on September 4, 2000, in the back seat of his Lincoln. Worst experience ever.

  It turned out, and I should have known, Ridley had never been dating just me the entire time we were together.

  When I found him in his car, the same car he took my virginity in, taking another’s, I couldn’t stay because I thought for sure I’d end up just like my mother in the trailer park next to her while men walked in and out as they pleased, using her and us, for as long as they needed.

  I left town not long after that.

  It was hard for me to leave Lauren mostly. She was my baby sister. Someone I protected, as I was the only real and loyal person she had. For her, I wanted to make something of myself.

  She was sixteen, and that meant I was leaving her in the care of our mother. But Lauren encouraged me to go, and I was glad she did. It was exactly what I needed. When she turned eighteen, she came back to Seattle, too, and lived with me. I couldn’t blame her for leaving Boise and our mother’s shit.

  When I left Boise, I wanted to leave that life and Ridley Harrison behind me.

  Never did I expect him to show up here and find me.

  Standing near the door, he watched me curiously, as if trying to decide whether I was about to chuck something at him. And the thought did cross my mind.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Ridley didn’t say anything for the longest time. At least not until he stepped closer. Then his hands jetted out in front of him, a calming motion, I guess. “Just in town.”

  “Here?”

  Stupid question. Obviously he was here. I could feel my face getting red, and I hated it.

  “I . . . ” He seemed unsure for a moment and then moved closer. Hearing Shanna in the background made him look over my shoulder, catching his words for a second. He swallowed and then continued. “I’m working on a friend’s fishing boat. I have been for six years now.”

  I didn’t really care. I wanted to know why he was here.

  “So?”

  “Your mom told me you were here, so I looked you up.” His face was impassive. “Have you heard from her lately?”

  Goddamn her. She never could keep her mouth shut, and it figured she’d tell the one person I never wanted to see again.

  “No. I haven’t.” I snorted, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. “So you thought you’d see an old friend?” My eyes caught the street in front of the shop, the lights of the fire trucks as they pulled out on a call. “If I remember correctly, when I saw you last time I said I never wanted to see you again.”

  He smiled, fucking smiled, and I watched him for a moment. He hadn’t changed much.

  Tall, a few more tattoos on his arms. His hair was darker now but cut short and buzzed close on the sides, with facial hair that matched.

  Dark brown eyes caught mine. “You left so soon I never got a chance to make it right. I’m sorry for that.”

  No, you’re not.

  “Ridley.” I was starting to get impatient, knowing that Shanna was going to come out at any minute, and I wanted him gone. “There was no making it right. We were over long before that.”

  Ridley shrugged, his eyes casting down my body for a quick look. It made me feel as dirty as I felt when I found him in his car with that girl.

  “I need to go. I have to get home.”

  “To who?” Of course he’d ask that. His hand reached out and touched my elbow, firmly.

  I glared, tearing my arm away. He had no right to touch me.

  “My husband.” I blurted it out so fast I had no time to take it back. It just rolled right off my tongue, like me telling him I hated him eleven years ago.

  Sometimes I think there are memories you hide within your own mind because they’re too much to deal with. This was one of them. I didn’t want to relive any time spent with Ridley, or in Boise.

  “Married, huh?”

  He knows I’m lying.

  I only nodded. I wasn’t one to lie, but how could I really take it back right now? And what did it matter if I lied to my cheating ex?

  “So, your” —a cautious smile tugged at his cheeks— “husband . . . he’s a firefighter, right?”

  Well, my mom told him more than she needed to, didn’t she?

  Always had. My safety didn’t matter to her.

  “Yeah.” I was leery of anything Ridley was asking me right then, but even more so now. There was something that told me he knew very well I was lying about Jace being my husband.

  “Aubrey . . . ” Shanna came around the corner carrying two fresh made candles with her, one in each hand. “ . . . I’ll be right there.”

  “You need to go.”

  I practically pushed him out, but before he left he said, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  For some stupid reason I looked right into his eyes, and he caught my stare this time. There for a second I saw the guy I trusted back then, a boy who showed me there was more to this world than I’d ever understood before. I couldn’t say all my time with Ridley was bad, because it wasn’t. And I . . . well . . . I appreciated what I did learn from him. But I never saw that side often. It was easy to forget it.

  “I’m fine,” I said. “I’m happy. He’s good to me.”

  Just as I said that my heart flopped, thinking of everything, of Jace and the distance growing between us, the pressures and everything we didn’t say these days.

  All that was beside the point right now. As far as Ridley was concerned, all he needed to know was that I was completely fine.

  He gave me a tight nod and, thank God, walked toward the door without another question.

  I nearly jumped out of my skin when Shanna came up behind me. Her head rested on my shoulder, and she gave me a sly grin as if she’d just caught me flirting. “Who’s that?”

  Groaning, I walked toward the door myself. “Ex-boyfriend from Boise.”

  “The fuckface who cheated on you?” Fixing an arrangement of candles that had been rearranged by an overactive toddler earlier, she followed close behind me.

  “Yep.”

  “Well” —she laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, then turned the open sign off— “while I can see why you dated him, he looks douchey.”

  “That’s not a word.” Digging through my bag, I had my keys in one hand and the other on the door.

  “Sure it is. I made it one.” She winked seductively. “Now get out and get laid tonight so you’re nicer tomorrow.”

  I was out of there.

  During the drive to get the kids up the street, my hesitation got to me. And I was pissed suddenly at both my mom and at Ridley for even coming here.

  Fishing boat, my ass. He wanted something.

  Do I tell Jace about Ridley?

  I should tell h
im. If I didn’t, and he found out, he would be pissed. Jace might be laid-back . . . to an extent. When it came to me or the kids, he wasn’t. And he had a beef with Ridley he never would reveal completely to me. Mostly from the way Ridley had treated me. He once said if he ever saw him, he would kill him.

  Now, I didn’t think Jace could actually kill anyone, but I wouldn’t put it past him to try. Especially when it came to someone who’d hurt me so badly. In many ways.

  Just tell him.

  Turns out I didn’t need to. I’ll get to that soon.

  WHEN I got to Lauren’s apartment up the street from the fire department, I saw Jace was still there. It was now nearing five, so he obviously hadn’t kept his promise about being home on time, and well, me, I wasn’t in that black dress, either.

  Just before I got to the door, he sent a text.

  I’ll be home by 7. Got a call.

  He probably didn’t need to go on that call, but it was just like him to do so.

  When I got to the door, my kids were running around with Gavin, and Lauren was on the balcony, peeking at her neighbor through the convenient hole in the railing that allowed her to see his living room.

  “Is this what you do all day, you little hooker?” As I stepped outside, the kids ran past, screaming and laughing. Smiling, I turned back to my Peeping Tom sister. I wouldn’t put it past her to be spying on the neighbor. Lauren was always interested in what others were doing. She wasn’t nosey, just curious.

  Turning around, she looked offended. “No. I watch the kids — it’s just” —she sighed, knowing I’d caught her— “I get bored and wish for adults.”

  “So you spy on your neighbors? Weirdo.”

  We walked inside just as Jayden ran past me and tripped, knocking over Gavin. They both started crying. “Well, don’t make me feel weird about it or anything.” We both tended to our boys for a second.

  I never wanted to make Lauren feel weird. I actually found this entertaining.

  “You should feel weird. You’re stealing his mail so he’ll come to your apartment to get it. I’m sure that’s illegal.”

  “Whatever.” She looked ashamed of herself for a moment and then rolled her eyes, setting Gavin back on his feet. Both boys took off running again. “I don’t care. Yesterday he came over without a shirt. I’d go to jail for that for sure.”

  “Fair enough.”

  Gracie came barreling toward me, bright-eyed and giggly as usual. “Mommy! I missed you.”

  There’s nothing better than a greeting of pure joy from your child. “I missed you, too, sweet girl.”

  “Let’s go to Nana’s now.” That was about as long as my greeting lasted.

  My kids lived to go to Jace’s parents’ house. I was sure they loved his mother Judie more than they loved me.

  “Get your stuff together.”

  While they gathered their stuff, Lauren looked back at me, handing me a pair of Gracie’s shoes she’d left behind last week, and dangled them in the air. “Hot date tonight?”

  Why was everyone asking that?

  Did I have it written on my forehead?

  “If you must know, yes.”

  “Jealous.”

  “Haven’t heard from Kyle in a while?” Kyle Jorgensen was Gavin’s dad. He could have been Ridley’s douchebag brother. No lie. They even resembled each other a lot, only Kyle was about a foot shorter, with blond hair, and had wannabe biker syndrome. And, that I know of, he’s never laid a hand on Lauren.

  Lauren snorted, flopping down on the couch where Jayden was now sitting. They both looked at each other and then smiled. “He said he loved me today.”

  “Who, Kyle?”

  “No. Jayden. He loves me.”

  Jayden looked at me and smiled. He was such a happy boy. I had to laugh. “He loves everyone.”

  “I don’t care. He said it.”

  “What about Kyle?”

  She snorted. “No. Jerkface knocked me up, and every once in a while he comes by to get some and sometimes gives me fifty bucks for child support. As if fifty bucks every six months is going to support a five-year-old.”

  “Why do you still let him get some? He’s dirty, Lauren. Dirty.” To me, he had “STD” written all over him, but for some reason she found him attractive. “He’s using you.”

  “He is a god in bed.”

  Rolling my eyes, I tried to imagine that little dirty biker pissant as a god in bed. Couldn’t. The image I was left with was actually revolting and made nauseated me. “Doubt that.”

  “Stop. He was . . . or is.”

  “So nobody but Kyle? You need to raise the bar for the sake of your . . . ” I looked around to see where the kids were. They weren’t even paying attention, “ . . . vagina,” I all but whispered. It’s as if it was a bad word. I actually hated the word “vagina.” To me it sounded vagey. As in dirty. I know “vagey” isn’t a word, but it should be. And mine was far from dirty as far as I was concerned. Let’s just get that clear right now. Maybe dirty thinking, but sparkly clean.

  “Nope,” Lauren said, popping the “p” at the end. “My juice box hasn’t seen many straws these days.”

  “Mommy.” Gavin pulled at Lauren’s sweatshirt. “I want a juice box.”

  We both laughed, and she got up to get his juice box. Following her, I grabbed the lunch boxes off the island in the kitchen while the kids fought over whose jacket was whose.

  Lauren eyed the Capri Sun in her hand. “My juice box is like a drained Capri Sun.”

  “Okay, I’m leaving now.”

  “Do you prefer ‘panty hamster’?” She was following me toward the door. She did this shit to me on purpose. This was the same girl who once made a list of every alternate word for the word “penis.” She apparently had one for “vagina,” too.

  God, that word again.

  “There are children present. Stop talking about this.”

  “Oh, right, because recording yourself doing” —she looked down as three sets of curious eyes watched us— “gymnastics is better than the secret muff code?”

  I burst out laughing, covering my kids’ ears. “No. It’s not.”

  “What about ‘clam cracker’? ‘Tuna canoe’?”

  “You’re disgusting.” We were both laughing now as I ushered the kids out the door. “What if your son starts repeating those words?”

  “He’s done worse. He called the neighbor boy a ‘stack of cock rings’ last week.”

  “You two are a perfect match.”

  Hanging her head out her door, she waved. “Have fun. Wait . . . ”

  “What?”

  “What does Jace call it . . . his ‘fire hose’? Do you guys have a fire pole in your room?”

  “I have no idea why I let you watch my children.”

  “Oh, please. You beg me to because I have no life, spy on the neighbors, and enjoy watching cartoons.”

  And that’s exactly why she did watch them.

  Some of the girls stay home. Some don’t. As for me, I’ve never been the girl who wanted to. Sure, I wanted to spend time with my kids but there was something that kept me at the shop. Maybe it was my mother and her ways. I wasn’t sure.

  I wanted a career. I wanted independence. For the most part, I had that.

  IN A matter of minutes, okay, well, not minutes because it was Seattle and getting just about anywhere took you twenty minutes. Even so, I had the kids dropped off with Judie and went home to prepare myself for our date and put on what I was supposed to wear.

  Sadly, the entire time I was getting ready I thought about what Jace would say about Ridley being in town. Or better yet, that my mom had told him where I was.

  For the most part, Jace was laid-back, and it was hard to get a read on anything he was thinking. For that reason we had some communication breakdowns, because I was the type of girl who wanted to hash everything out right away. I wanted to know the risks and all the potential problems.

  Jace just let things happen.

  Here was
where he wasn’t like that: when it came to someone threatening his family. I was his family. You see, Jace Ryan was the type of guy who had his own brand of rugged arrogance. No one fucked with him. No one. And if you messed with his family, I felt sorry for you. Even though he was laid-back, people sensed that rugged arrogance in ways I couldn’t explain.

  It was, in many ways, ruggedness that left you in awe. Craggy but reticent. Spend even five minutes around him, and you saw that. At times that laid-back side slipped, and out came this lively, full-of-life boy who gave you a sense of belonging and security. The two balanced him out perfectly.

  He was very different from Ridley in the sense that his world was a private one that people were rarely allowed into. It wasn’t because he wasn’t trusting of them – it was because he was shy when you least expected it. If that makes sense. Once he did allow people in, he was warm and welcoming.

  Ridley was cold and harsh. Never the opposite.

  I took a quick shower, shaved my legs, and trimmed up the bikini area to make sure it all looked good down there.

  Did I take a close look?

  No. I never liked checking out my own beaver, or “juice box,” as Lauren called it, but I trusted I had her nice and sparkly and ready for an appearance tonight. Should there be one.

  Once I finished with the shower, I went to applying lotion. You would have thought my skin was the texture of sand from the way I applied that Victoria’s Secret Sugar Lilac lotion.

  When I finally emerged from the bathroom, I checked my phone to see that Jace would be home in an hour.

  Now for the mood. Candles?

  Nice. Good idea. After getting into that black dress and red bra, I quickly ran around lighting a few.

  When you have kids, the mood goes to shit, and you’re left with making the most of the time given. Tonight we had time. Which meant I had time to create ambiance for him.

  I knew Jace could give a flying fuck about candles, so for his mood I went with baked goods. I was just pulling the brownies out of the oven when he walked through the door.

  “Damn, you know how to get me naked, don’t you?” Jace announced, closing the door to the apartment behind him with his foot. After tossing his coat on the couch, he came into the kitchen, all smiles.